Are you “friends” with your ex?
Maybe your ex suggested it would be a good idea to be friends (not sure if they actually mean that though…)
…or perhaps you think it’s “better than nothing” if the alternative is losing them forever.
However, more often than not, it’s not a question of “should you”, it’s a matter of “can you?”.
Being friends with your ex is actually almost always a bad idea and a recipe for additional (and unnecessary) heartache.
That’s especially true if you want to get your ex back, but it’s even true if you’re ready to move on and don’t want to get back together.
The “friend zone” is a terrible place to be with your ex, but there are too many people that fall for this trap because it’s such a tempting idea.
I mean, your ex is giving you an option that allows you to maintain contact with the person you’ve loved for some time and, in theory, this will allow you to move on gently and slowly without the intense feelings of loneliness that often accompany a breakup.
After all, if you can slowly wean yourself off those romantic feelings rather than going “cold turkey” and shutting down all contact with your ex, isn’t that a better option?
But the problem is that even though it often seems like a perfect compromise, being friends usually provides very little comfort and actually makes the process of moving on longer and more difficult than it needs to be. ( You have to hide your heartbreak, fake that smile and act normally every time you appear in front of them as “friends”).
AND… even more importantly… it will ruin your chances of winning your ex back!
If you wish to win their heart back…
Have you thought of winning your ex back? If the answer is yes, there are a few other huge problems with agreeing to be friends with your ex if you want to win them back:
1.) It won’t give them a chance to develop feelings of nostalgia and they won’t miss you as much.
One of the key ingredients to repairing a relationship is that your ex needs to miss you like crazy.
How do you make someone miss you? Simple: disappear from their life suddenly and completely, shutting down all lines of communication. By maintaining a friendship with your ex, it’s impossible to really effectively disappear from their radar and make them miss you.
2.) It gives complete control of the situation to your ex.
Another key to winning back your ex is to make it clear that you are still equal with your ex even though they’ve decided to break up with you. You need to make it known that you’re not a pushover and that if your ex isn’t interested in a romantic relationship, then they’re cut from your life altogether.
3.) You serve as a “safety net” for your ex while they look for someone new.
Do you want to be your ex’s confidante while they tell you about their new lovers? Do you want to be the backup plan in case things don’t work out with the new romance they’re pursuing? Of course not.
You have to make it absolutely clear to your ex that if they choose to break up with you, they’re on their own and they can’t come running back to you if they find the single life a bit less fun than they’d imagined it would be.
In reality, there really isn’t any scenario where being friends (at least for the first few months) after a breakup is possible.
If you’ve already agreed to be “friends” with your ex and got yourself stuck in the “friend zone,” calm down…. you can still undo this mistake and win them back (but only if you take action ASAP!).